Day 20: Learning Who I Am
18 Aug 2025
I didn’t write the last couple of nights. Life slipped by with a movie night with my son and then simple tiredness that caught up with me. But I don’t like missing days, so tonight I’m writing a bit earlier — no excuses.
The kids are off on the road for a month, living the van life adventure before Britt starts her next assignment. So it’s just Annie and me here at the house. And strangely, I feel better this week. I don’t feel as alone as I did, and I don’t feel as lost in my head. That in itself feels like progress.
I keep reminding myself that I have so much to be thankful for — and maybe I forget that sometimes. Gratitude doesn’t erase the questions I’m asking, though. Questions like: What if I am alone for the rest of my life? What will I do? How will I fill my time when work isn’t enough? What would truly make me happy?
I don’t have all the answers. But maybe that’s not the point. Maybe this is the season to start learning who I really am, beyond work, beyond roles, beyond the noise of everything else. Maybe being “alone” isn’t about being without someone, but about finally getting to know myself.
Tonight reminded me of that in a very real way. I spent time on the phone with my niece, who is raising her children alone. It’s not easy, but she’s working hard and paying her own way — and she’s doing it. That kind of strength inspires me. I also caught up with a very old friend, someone who has known me for more than half his life. He reminded me that I’m not without, that there are so many amazing people in my life. And he’s right. Sometimes I forget, but the truth is I’m never truly alone.
And then, there are the moments that come out of nowhere — reminders of the people I’ve lost. Tonight it was something as simple as a v-neck men’s t-shirt that brought memories of my youngest son flooding in. Even after ten years, it still surprises me how something so small can reduce me to tears. I shared it in a quick message, and was grateful for a call to check in, to make sure I was okay. Some things can only be understood by those who have lived them — and I am thankful for those people, and for the comfort only they can bring.
🌿 Reflection Prompt
When memories surface — joyful or painful — how do you let them remind you of love, rather than only loss?
✨ Quote
“And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?” – Rumi
🎶 Song Pairing
Much Love,
Stacey
