Why Putting Your Feelings First Is Not Selfish

19 Dec 2025:

For a long time, I believed that putting my feelings first meant I was asking for too much. Too sensitive. Too emotional. Too needy.

So I learned how to shrink them.

I learned how to listen more than I spoke.
How to rationalize disappointment.
How to tell myself “it’s fine” when it wasn’t.

And somewhere along the way, I confused endurance with strength.

But here’s the truth I’ve come to understand—slowly, gently, and without drama:

When you ignore your feelings, you abandon yourself.

The Quiet Cost of Putting Yourself Last

Putting everyone else first doesn’t make you noble.
It makes you tired.

It teaches your nervous system that your needs are optional.
It teaches your heart to settle for crumbs instead of connection.
It teaches your inner voice to whisper instead of speak.

And the most dangerous part?

You stop trusting yourself.

Because every time your feelings tried to protect you— warn you— slow you down—you told them they were wrong.

Choosing Yourself Isn’t Loud

Putting your feelings first isn’t about ultimatums or dramatic exits.
It’s not about being cold or cutting people off.

It’s often quiet.

It looks like:
Pausing before saying yes.

Walking away when something feels heavy instead of hopeful.
Not explaining your boundaries to people who benefit from you having none.
Allowing yourself to feel disappointed without immediately forgiving it away.

It’s choosing alignment over approval.

Your Feelings Are Data, Not Weakness

Your feelings are not flaws to fix.
They are information.

They tell you:
When something is misaligned.
When a situation is draining instead of nourishing.
When your body knows something your mind is still trying to justify.

Ignoring them doesn’t make you stronger.
Listening to them makes you honest.

This Is the Chapter Where You Choose You

Putting your feelings first doesn’t mean you love others less.
It means you finally love yourself enough to stop disappearing.

You’re allowed to want peace.
You’re allowed to want consistency.
You’re allowed to want to feel safe, chosen, and respected.

And if something—or someone—requires you to betray yourself to keep them?

That’s not love.
That’s a lesson.

Every chapter counts.

Especially the ones where you come back to yourself.

Reflection Prompt

Where in my life have I been minimizing my feelings to keep the peace?
What would change if I trusted what I feel instead of explaining it away?

Spotify Pairing

Let It Hurt • Rascal Flatts

All my love,

Stacey